Thursday, September 2, 2010

Stopping Time

I wish there was a way to stop make it freeze....

I knew when I got pregnant that this would more than likely be my only one...and when we found out it was our little Nola I knew we wouldn't have anymore. I still haven't had that feeling that I want to have another because its Nola I want to have all over again. I know that makes no sense to any of you I'm sure but...I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone and I hate that she is already 7 months...

I'm a baby person...I want to freeze time right now...I want to freeze the smile that is plastered on her face every minute of every day. I want to freeze how she kicks in so much excitement when we walk in her room to get her from sleeping. I want to freeze how she giggles when I tickle her side. I want to freeze the mad women she has become in her jumparoo, up and down vigerously over and over (its hysterical). I want to freeze how she reaches for my face and brings it closer and I want to freeze how she giggles when swaddled when I kiss her lips.. I love her so much I want her to stay just he way she is.

I tell Jack (even though he already knows) that I don't want to have another baby, I want to have her all over again. She has been such a joy since the moment she joined the colic, no crying spells, no nothing...just all smiles.

Is it terrible to be so sad that she is not always going to be little? I'm tearing up writing this just thinking about it...I know there are joys at each age but I want this age.

I looked at some old videos Jack took of Nola in her first few weeks and months and he squeals etc are the cutest thing ever and I already forgot what she was like somewhat and that was always my biggest fear if you ask him, forgetting.

I'm babbling I know...I don't post as much anymore because all my time when she is up is hers..and when she sleeps, I have to get things done so I am sorry I don't post as much. Anyhow, I just wanted to get that all off my chest.

Here are some recent pictures of my girl!


  1. not terrible at all i have cried all weekk that y baby is turning 1 i just want to reeze these moments!!!

  2. She is so cute. I cant imagine having another baby. I want another one but its true you want to relive the moments with this baby. I loved being pregnant with Colton and he was such a glorious newborn as well. Oh time just slips away too fast. Savor each moment.

  3. OH Melissa! I am so glad you wrote this!! I thought I was terrible for feeling the way I do- not wanting her to grow up any more (she's going to be 1 yr old this weekend!!!!). I cry when I rock her to sleep at night, because I'm so worried that I'll never be able to do it again when she gets a bit older, not wanting this time to go so quickly!!!! She wasn't even born last year at this time, now she's crawling and babbling, and almost a TODDLER! I adore her so much! We want another child, but do not want to do IVF again. We want it to happen naturally, but after 3 years before, I don't see how.... I also had a lot of difficulty in my pregnancy (see my post), so that is also playing on my mind. We are thinking of adoption to give her a sibling... we'll see....
    Anyway, it was good to hear another post from an IVF mommy to validate my feelings of sadness, in the midst of extreme happiness!

  4. Hi Melissa,

    My husband and I look like we might be about to go through your same journey in Massachusetts, and I'd really appreciate some insurance advice. I sent you and email a few days back but it might have gone to your spam folder. Just wanted to reach out to see if you might be able to respond. Thank you SO much.


  5. To Michelle:
    I cant seem to find the email you sent me...can you email me at again so I can respond to your questions..thanks!

  6. I would like to see how your daughter looks right now. I am sure she is now a very beautiful girl. Well, almost of us women like our babies to stay a baby but we can't stop the time. Living things really grow but don't worry. She is growing a beautiful girl.
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  7. She is really an angel send to you,very cute and charming.. Every mother will always want to stop the time so that you will be able to keep that memories and experience again,but there are still a lot of memories and experiences you are going to encounter while she slowly grows up. If you happen to have any fertility concerns, I found this site that may help you.

  8. It's not terrible. I think it's hard to imagine loving another like you love this one!

    However, if this helps, E was a screaming, colicky mess who turned into a sweet little toddler who is still very sensitive, and I definitely want to have him all over again. So I think you fall in love with the baby no matter what. :)