Sorry my post have been very sporatic. I dont feel as if I have anything to write about that would hold your attention. AS you all know we are in a holding pattern for 6 months...trying on our own before we take our next step. We get his test results on Feb 9th at our appointment with our new RE. I am confident considering all 4 times we have seen his numbers they were good. So there it is possibly both of us fine...nothing wrong BUT still without something that seems so obtainable by some.
It really sucks ha? I went into babies r us on sat night to get a baby shower gift. Now, let me tell you - that store is NOT for infertiles....I hope I dont have to go back anytime soon!
So then today, I am here waiting for this woman to arrive to do our appraisel and she arrives and is very nice. I was scrapbooking at the kitchen table and she made a comment about loving it but never having a reason to do it til now cause they are expecting their first...REALLY??? WTF...can I go ONE day without hearing about a pregnancy - JUST ONE...is that really too much to ask?
Sometimes I really just say to myself - forget it...youll never be pregnant.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Dear Diary
Today I learned that I hurt someones feelings by writing some things on my blog. I did not write these things to intentionally hurt them although it may have seemed that way.
I write on this blog as an outlet for feelings that most people will not understand. The people that do understand (most infertility bloggers) will sympathize with what I have said and truly understand the sadness that sometimes surrounds the things we all say on our blogs.
Writing in the blog is not something that is done so we can talk badly about people its just our way to communicate with the outside world on things that bother us that can or can not be fixed.
Diary - I would never want anyone I know that reads this to ever feel like I love them or think of them any less than I do. No matter what I write about my friendships are a separate entity. Even if feelings surrounds these friends - I still love them no matter what. I hope that they never take what I say personally as a shot against them. If they do or if they have, I am truly sorry - this blog was never meant to hurt anyones feelings. It was meant to soothe my own.
For those that read my blog faithfully and know my struggle, I am glad that you read because without you...I would never have met so many wonderful people that understand what its like to be me right now.
For those of you that dont follow my blog and happen to stop by occasionally, please don't feel slighted by what I say...I may have said it when I was truly hurt and at my worst and needed somewhere to vent. And if I have hurt any of you friends that ready this blog, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. And If you know me at all you know I would never hurt anyone intentionally.
I write on this blog as an outlet for feelings that most people will not understand. The people that do understand (most infertility bloggers) will sympathize with what I have said and truly understand the sadness that sometimes surrounds the things we all say on our blogs.
Writing in the blog is not something that is done so we can talk badly about people its just our way to communicate with the outside world on things that bother us that can or can not be fixed.
Diary - I would never want anyone I know that reads this to ever feel like I love them or think of them any less than I do. No matter what I write about my friendships are a separate entity. Even if feelings surrounds these friends - I still love them no matter what. I hope that they never take what I say personally as a shot against them. If they do or if they have, I am truly sorry - this blog was never meant to hurt anyones feelings. It was meant to soothe my own.
For those that read my blog faithfully and know my struggle, I am glad that you read because without you...I would never have met so many wonderful people that understand what its like to be me right now.
For those of you that dont follow my blog and happen to stop by occasionally, please don't feel slighted by what I say...I may have said it when I was truly hurt and at my worst and needed somewhere to vent. And if I have hurt any of you friends that ready this blog, I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. And If you know me at all you know I would never hurt anyone intentionally.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A NEW BLOG
Hi everyone out there in blogger world!
To all my fellow followers and for those of you that happen upon this blog.
I needed a new outlet to channel all the infertility talk. I am sick of feeling like crap about all this and needed something else to do soo...with that said I started a new blog. For those of you that know me, you know I am very creative and enjoy shopping, decorating etc...so I have decided to start a shopping blog.
This blog will be a way for you to find out about new ideas on decorating, new ideas on book swapping and magazine swapping and even shopping tips on great finds. I am here to answer any decorating questions or any needed advice.
The link is:
http://a-shopaholics-secrets.blogspot.com
If you found out about something new in the decorating world or shopping world etc....please feel free to email me at missaming@hotmail.com!!
To all my fellow followers and for those of you that happen upon this blog.
I needed a new outlet to channel all the infertility talk. I am sick of feeling like crap about all this and needed something else to do soo...with that said I started a new blog. For those of you that know me, you know I am very creative and enjoy shopping, decorating etc...so I have decided to start a shopping blog.
This blog will be a way for you to find out about new ideas on decorating, new ideas on book swapping and magazine swapping and even shopping tips on great finds. I am here to answer any decorating questions or any needed advice.
The link is:
http://a-shopaholics-secrets.blogspot.com
If you found out about something new in the decorating world or shopping world etc....please feel free to email me at missaming@hotmail.com!!
She Arrived
Yes, AF arrived...I cant believe I was stupid enough to think that I "might" be pregnant...How fricken silly of me, really? So anyway shes here.
So I called my new RE at RSC on Friday and had an appointment for today at 830 for the usual ultrasound and blood work. She wanted a new set of test done there so they could take a look and see for themselves since theres are all computerized and the records they got from my fertility specialist are not. Anyway..she just called with the results:
Estrodial 28.3
FSH 8.09
Prolactin 14.7
TSH 1.72
Then she said something about follicles on both sides but she was talking so fast but she said everything looked great.
HOWEVER - she said all the numbers are very good and within normal range for day 3...now I thought my FSH seemed awfully high??? What do you think?? I googled it and they say anything between 6-9 is good & under 6 is excellent. Does it matter what day it is? Does it always change? UGH! I hate this. I wish I was a doctor sometimes!
So she said as soon as Jack gets his SA done this week we can then go in for a meeting with the Doctor to discuss the results.
Waiting sucks!
So I called my new RE at RSC on Friday and had an appointment for today at 830 for the usual ultrasound and blood work. She wanted a new set of test done there so they could take a look and see for themselves since theres are all computerized and the records they got from my fertility specialist are not. Anyway..she just called with the results:
Estrodial 28.3
FSH 8.09
Prolactin 14.7
TSH 1.72
Then she said something about follicles on both sides but she was talking so fast but she said everything looked great.
HOWEVER - she said all the numbers are very good and within normal range for day 3...now I thought my FSH seemed awfully high??? What do you think?? I googled it and they say anything between 6-9 is good & under 6 is excellent. Does it matter what day it is? Does it always change? UGH! I hate this. I wish I was a doctor sometimes!
So she said as soon as Jack gets his SA done this week we can then go in for a meeting with the Doctor to discuss the results.
Waiting sucks!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A New Leaf
SO I had that dream...those 2 separate dreams that I was pregnant which we all know means someone is...or 2 people are...I don't have really any friends left that are not pregnant so I am wondering who will now come out of the woodwork? I am prepared.
Today is 12 dpo - I have NEVER in 9 months been past 12 days...AF ALWAYS arrived on dpo 12 but shes not here and my temp is still up 97.9 BUT I know that I am not pregnant cause I have my lovely period feelings in my abdomen that I get every month...she just wants to screw with me this month...2 years exactly to when I got pregnant last time. She sucks!
I went to dinner with two friends last night that are pregnant. I know most of you who read this will think - why would I do that? TO be honest, I'm letting go....I don't want to feel shitty anymore that I cant seem to get pregnant...its not making me pregnant any faster so I'm letting it go. We have a plan and I feel so much better. These 2 friends were so wonderful. Not only did they not over talk about pregnancy - they asked questions and listened intently and were genuinely sympathetic. I could not have asked for anything better. I don't want to lose friends because I cant get over that they are pregnant and I'm not. So I'm taking a new approach. Its 2009 and I'm over it...I'm going to let it go and see what happens...Maybe there will be truth in what people say...IF I relax maybe it will happen...and guess what if it doesn't in 6 months...we move on to our next step.
Seems Easy Enough...
Today is 12 dpo - I have NEVER in 9 months been past 12 days...AF ALWAYS arrived on dpo 12 but shes not here and my temp is still up 97.9 BUT I know that I am not pregnant cause I have my lovely period feelings in my abdomen that I get every month...she just wants to screw with me this month...2 years exactly to when I got pregnant last time. She sucks!
I went to dinner with two friends last night that are pregnant. I know most of you who read this will think - why would I do that? TO be honest, I'm letting go....I don't want to feel shitty anymore that I cant seem to get pregnant...its not making me pregnant any faster so I'm letting it go. We have a plan and I feel so much better. These 2 friends were so wonderful. Not only did they not over talk about pregnancy - they asked questions and listened intently and were genuinely sympathetic. I could not have asked for anything better. I don't want to lose friends because I cant get over that they are pregnant and I'm not. So I'm taking a new approach. Its 2009 and I'm over it...I'm going to let it go and see what happens...Maybe there will be truth in what people say...IF I relax maybe it will happen...and guess what if it doesn't in 6 months...we move on to our next step.
Seems Easy Enough...
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