Did I mention yet that last week I found out in 2 days that 3 people close to me are pregnant...that's just the current ones - there have been quite a few in the past year that have come about too...
When I had my miscarriage my sister was pregnant with my 2nd niece. In the meantime her friend has had twins then another baby. My cousin had another child. My sister-in-law just had my new niece a week ago. My friend Nicole is having a baby in December. Then the three that I just found out are pregnant. My cousins new wife, a friend from college and a friend from high school.
How much can we really take? I feel so happy for those people that get to experience such a joy but I also feel sad that it isint me. To be honest, I think I have every right to feel all that I am feeling. If your reading this and you are going through the same thing then you will agree with me. Why is it the entire world around me is getting pregnant and having babies but me?
I know its not logical but its the feeling that why can someone else's body function so perfectly but mine cant. I know you feel the same way I do and its totally frustrating. Sometimes it's all I can think about. I don't think it's fair and I sometimes wonder what I did in the past to be punished? I have never been a big drinker, I have never done drugs and have always obeyed the law so what gives??? I guess we will never have an answer.
For those of us dealing with infertility, they tell us to not drink to be careful of what we put into our body..not to be too thin or too heavy because that can cause problems too. Try not to get stressed because that can reak havock on a system too...all sorts of things to do and not to do but why?? There are people all over the world that abuse their bodies and get pregnant very easily? How is that possible? There really is no rhyme or reason to any of it so we just have to gather together and give eachother support. That is really all we can do.
I feel like such a terrible person for feeling jealous even of those people that I know and love but can you really help how you feel? People that don't understand because they never had to deal with any of this will probably read this and think I'm crazy but how can they possibly form and opinion when they have never been through it and don't know at all what it feels like....It sucks and I would not wish this on my worst enemy...but I do feel glad to know there are other people out there like me that can take comfort in knowing at least they are not alone..