Monday, October 20, 2008

How it all started

I dont mind sharing my story with anyone really so that is why I decided to start this blog. I know what its like to sometimes feel like you are the only out there that cant get pregnant. And when you have those feelings, no matter what they are, you feel like you are the only one experiencing them. At least thats how I feel a lot of the time.

So it started about 2 years ago when we decided like probably all you reading this that we were going to start "trying". We have all been there - we say to ourselves that we will just so what where doing and we wont worry about it and whatever happens happens. Then that lasts about a few months...and out the window it goes.

So we tried for a few months and then I happen to have a doctors appointment in Dec of 2006. I wanted to make sure I was doing all that I could to get pregnant. I felt stupid to ask if I was doing everything right but nothing was working so I wanted to make sure. So he told me to make sure I had my hips elevated after (I thought you just put your legs up hahah) and to make sure I lay there for about 1/2 hour and I laughed again cause I usto lay there for like 5 minutes. So home I go....would you not believe that the next month I find out Im pregnant!!!!! I couldnt believe it! Apparently I was doing something wrong.

Now I schedule my appointment for the usual 8 weeks - ugh! But I ended up taking a new job at a different restaurant and our big test was on that same day as my appointment. I figured why would anything be wrong? I could just postpone it one more week. Im not sure when it hapened but at about 10 weeks I guess I had some blood...I called the hotline and she was not overly concerned and said that either its nothing or a start of a miscarriage. So matter of fact for her with no blink of an eye probably. GREAT! But then it went away....and I had no cramping or pain or anything. So the day of my test I got stuck in a major snow storm and could not make it in time and had to call but it wasnt just that - I was bleeding way more....I knew something had to be wrong. They said that I would come in first thing in the morning.

I told my husband it wasnt a big deal for him to come because I didnt really think there would be anything wrong. My sister had an appointment at the same place at the same time (she was pregnant with my 2nd niece). So she came in with me and they did an internal ultrasound. I knew the minute I saw the screen but what did I know really, I had never been in that situation before. The women said that I was definitely not as far along as I thought and that if anything I was 6 weeks. She told me to get dressed and that the doctor would come see me. That was when I knew, I went to the bathroom and it was awful. I wont even go into detail cause if you've ever been through it you know and if you havnt its a bummer. My sister at this time does not say anything even though she knows...of course she knows shes had two kids.

The doctor came in and told me that there was nothing in the gestational sac. That the blood was the start of a miscarriage. She said it was nothing you did and blah blah blah...... so I had to go get bloodwork done so I went down and my sister came to find me and all she could relaly do was say she was sorry and hug me.

I got my blood work done and called my husband and just told him that I was sorry and that there was no baby - ever. They told me that I could just go home and basically pass the sac myself since there was nothing there. I wonder how many of you reading this had to have a miscarriage at home without having a D&C?? It wasnt fun to say the least. It was pretty gross and pretty painful but let me tell you - at that point I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to just start over.


  1. Hi Mel G! Thanks for visiting my blogo. I went back and read this so I could get to know you a little better. I am SS about your journey, I know it all too well. Infertility sucks so badly, but it helps writing about it and knowing someone is listening.

  2. Hi Melissa, nice to meet you virtually on here as well. I'm sorry that your TTC journey has been rough, and even harder with a loss.