So here we are on our first week back from vacation. Its not so great in the real world.
I came home sun at midnight and woke Monday to go with my parents to put my cat that we have had for 17 years to sleep. Some of you reading this will not think this is a big deal at all but to me it was one of the most monumental things Ive had to be part of in my life. I brought Sparky home 17 years ago after our other cat passed away. My mom did not want another cat but a friend had kittens and he followed me around - he was like a little spark which is how he got his name "Sparky". He was the most beautiful black furry cat ever and he had the best demeanor. He was just a wonderful cat and it makes me sick every time I think about what we had to do.
He has had cancer for about a month now and they thought the drugs might shrink it but mom said while I was in Cancun he got worse. They waited until I got home since he started out as my cat. It ended up when I moved out after H.S he stayed with them and became theirs. So they waited for me and I was not sure if I wanted to be there or not. Jack told me that I would probably regret not being there. So with my parents 10 hours after getting home from vacation I went to the vet. Mom cried almost the entire ride there. I knew she would because she loves him so much - just like another child.
The doctor said he was really sick and not going to get better....his cancer got bigger and is now probably restricting his passage ways to his tummy which is why he has lost weight. So now here's the decision....we don't want to make him suffer just because we cant seem to let go so we have to put him to sleep. Do we stay in the room? We don't want him to be alone...so Me, Mom & Dad stay and it was torture. I love him like he was my baby and the last thing I want to do is let him go. One minute hes breathing and the next hes not. It does not hurt at all at least not him but it kills the 3 of us. And just like that he is gone....and I am sooo sad still.
I'm sorry to go on for so long about this but it speaks to how bad my week has been....
Then when I get back my sister (who I work with) tells me that she has something to tell me that she doesn't want to but I should know. Now, I say OK - who's pregnant? And she tells me that a guy we work with wife's pregnant. They have been trying for maybe 3/4 months and just got married over the summer. OK..I can deal...I am happy for them.
THEN...yesterday one of my best friends from college calls me to tell me she is also pregnant...I thought that I might cry but I hold it in cause frankly she doesn't deserve it! She probably didn't even want to tell me either. But I am so happy for her as well...she is one of my best friends!
BUT I still feel like its so not fair!!! I have been trying for 2 years now and when the hell is going to be my turn? I just want to go back on vacation and not come back until I'm finally pregnant and I don't want one person to call me with news that someone else is cause frankly I cant take any more pregnancy's!!!