Saturday, November 1, 2008

When will all we do to have a baby be "Enough"

Halloween has come and gone....Not sure what you all did but I spent the day and evening with my two nieces....They are 4 1/2 & 1 1/2 and they are sooooo funny! Its weird, when I am with them I never have that feeling like this is something that I want that I don't/can't have. I guess its because they have always been such a huge part of my life even before we started trying that its like they are my children too. I have been there for everything in their life....(I am lucky that my sister shares all that with all of us) they also live down the street so of course I see them everyday. And sometimes I do think to myself if I can never have children then its something I have to accept and that at least I have my nieces.

If you know me at all you know I am more of a "glass half empty" kind of person. So I'm trying this new thing...I'm trying to be positive about things...all things.....Its not that I would be okay if we didn't have children its just that I have to try and remember that if I cant then I dont want to have missed all these important things in life.

We are all lucky enough to have our health (in the sense that we are not sick). There are hundreds of people out there that get terminally sick everyday and I have to be thankful for what I do have. For those of you struggling with infertility you might be reading this thinking - is she serious??? and TRUST ME, I do not always feel this way but this week I kept thinking that at least I'm not sick. If I can never have children all this time I spend being depressed and angry is going to make me miss out on some great things and then I will look back and think, what the hell - I should have just dealt with it. In the reality of things too, having all these feelings negative and positive is NOT going to get me pregnant either. I seriously think its just Luck of the Draw!

For those of us that are not sick and have a pretty normal functioning body, we cant seem to get over the fact that we cant get pregnant - it makes no sense. No matter how many tests, no matter how many shots we pump into our system, no matter how many eggs they transfer, no matter how many acupuncture treatments, no matter how many gross herbal teas we have to drink we do it - because deep down inside there is a little positive in all of us - we all think if we do it strong enough or long enough or hard enough - someday it will be just that - enough.....

1 comment:

  1. It will happen, I just know it will!! There's no one more deserving of a little baby than you and jack! Even though I've never met him, I figure if you like him then he's got to be great!! And since you're new to the "optimistic" approach, it works pretty well... so just stick with it!! I miss you.....