A Few Thoughts

Its week 2 of my BCP's and I am experiencing some things that I never have before....About a week ago when we were in the Bahamas after being constipated from the new pre-natal pills that I decided to stop taking I noticed that I was getting some pretty serious cramping. At first I thought OK, maybe its from my anxiety (sometimes it manifest itself it different ways) or I thought maybe its my colan because of the pre-natal pill..so I sort-of just let it be..I am now a week later and its still pretty bad...actually its gotten worse. A few times it was so bad I had to stop what I was doing and put my hand over where my ovaries are.

I called the doctor to ask if that was normal and she said that having a little cramping is in fact normal and OK. Well, its gotten worse since then. How am I supposed to know what is normal and what is not. I was on the pill for about 10 years in the past and I NEVER had cramps. What do you make of it? I know there are a few of you out there that have already been through this IVF and some are in the process like myself - anyone else have cramping?

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All of my med's arrived today!!! YEAH - I think? I am not sure if you will remember but in the past - about a year ago - when I ordered my first batch my insurance did not cover these med's. As you all know, I have since bought an additional health plan for myself that covers infertility treatments along with additional pharmacy benefits. Well, last year it cost about $1200.00 for the med's, this time it costs $140.00 which was my co-pay. OMG!!! I know I am paying $400/month for this insurance but wow - its already worth it!

So I start my Lupron on Monday 10 units apparently..to be honest, the nurse called and gave me the run down on what I am supposed to do but I already forgot...hahahah...Im a little nervous since some bloggers have mentioned Lupron is not really very nice all the time and my acupuncturist said she has heard her patients say it can cause migraines..UGH!! This IVF stuff is sooo exciting - NOT!

I already have cramps, my boobs are sore and I am starting Weight Watchers again..I need to lose another 10 lbs before this cycle starts so I am not gaining too much weight from the drugs and not getting too bloated. My works clothes (since I work at a bar) are not very forgiving so I am not sure I would be able to explain the bloated belly.

Not only do we all have to deal with IF and all the emotions we have to deal with drugs that make us feel like shit...with all our medical advancements cant they come up with IVF drugs that have no side effects? hahah

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Oh, I thought it was cool, my friend told me about a web-site that has Infertility T-shirts...its called Cafe Press. Check it out - she said they have one that I totally want to get "Infertility & Your Stupid Comments" - have to love it!!!

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Moving on...its funny, over the past 2 years of TTC, even during all my IUI's I have never allowed myself to day dream. But I noticed while we were away in the Bahamas I found myself day dreaming as I feel asleep. I thought about how I would decorate the baby's room, I though about names, I thought about clothes I would buy etc...I thought about all the things that I never allow myself to think of. Is it because I feel more convinced this IVF craze could work? I am trying not to think about it that way so I'm not disappointed if it doesn't but its hard Ill tell you...I have to say this is the first time in a long time that I truly feel optimistic about our outcome. IF my first round worked I would be pregnant at the end of May...almost sounds NUTS! I am not sure how much I will let myself day dream...if anymore...its nice to think of but it can also be a let down I am not sure I am ready for.