Saturday, February 21, 2009

Just a mumble jumble of thoughts!

I'm sorry I have not been a good blogger lately...I really don't feel as if I have to much to write...There is nothing really going on here...I am still not ready for IVF. I give MAJOR props to all my blogger girls that are going through their 1st,2nd,3rd and even 4th round of IVF...I cant even being to wrap my head around it and they are all so brave.

Is it that I don't want to do IVF? Yes, of course, who WANTS to do it -no one, they have to...but why do we have to? I almost feel like if that is my last resort - I am not sure if I will do it. I'm just all over the map...its scary and freaky to me...I have never gone under and to me its like this black hole of time that just disappears...and even though Dr.A says its only for like 5-7 minutes that your out, I cant get past it. I know that I am being stubborn, I don't want to NEED the help to get pregnant..
Anyway...I'm just babbling about the thoughts that are going through my head...

We are going on a road trip - Jack and I have never done a road trip cause of course he would rather fly - its certainly a lot faster. BUT, if you have read any of my other posts...I HATE to fly...and not just HATE it, have such anxiety and fear about it, but I do it and I do it alot - because if I didn't, Id never get to go anywhere good! BUT, I digress...I came to jack about 2 weeks ago because we were supposed to be buying our tickets to FL to visit his parents...with his brother and sister and new baby. I told him that right now, I just could not put my body through that...I know regular anxiety that I have is not good for TTC but this brings anxiety to an ENTIRELY new level...and I did not think right now that would be good for me...He agreed right away and we decided that we would drive...can I tell you how long I have tried to get him to drive to a vacation destination (one that can obviously be driven to)!!! He agreed that right now, I need the least amount of anxiety there we are going on a road trip! I'm looking forward to it and even more so cause I don't have to get on a plane!!!! hahah

On another note, I think I am doing pretty well with all the pregnancy stuff going on around me...One of my best girlfriends ( you know how you are ) just found out she is having a boy! I told her that is what I thought she was having..not that it wasn't hard, I had a 50/50 shot but I called it! I am so excited for her...I have already started to work on her gift - I would love to tell you all what my creative self is doing but I cant cause she reads this blog! hahahah

Another old friend and I re-connected after a few years...she just got married and we met for lunch and I am sad to say that she too is having TTTC...she is just starting in her process at the doctors so I gave her all the tips I knew...It may SUCK to belong to this club we call infertility but at least something positive comes out of it once in awhile and that is I can help someone else with advice and tips on things to ask!


  1. Hey Melissa,

    Welcome back. I don't think you are crazy for fearing IVF. The thought of the invasiveness of the whole thing is heard to bear. Much less fretting over the fact that it becomes necessary.

    It sounds like a road trip is a great idea. DH and I went on a road trip one time from TX to DC. We took the Blue Ridge Mountain Pass and loved it. My only recomendation is to think about what you are wearing when you know you are stopping somewhere for a view. We have these photos of a breathtaking background, and there I am with a baggy t-shirt and running shorts!

    Hope you enjoy a lovely time!

  2. I can understand not wanting to think about needing help getting pg. Its just a jump for your brain you have to decide if you are ready. Dont rush yourself I think you will feel much better about the decision if you have made peace with it. Have fun on your road trip. Sounds like a good time to bond with your hubby.